Here is a working end of the session given to the teacher of my course of conflict management at the MBA last October (yes, I really commend the work written in that tone. And yet it will give me a diploma VERY popular )
Preamble
I was born in March 1973. The apple of my eye progenitors. I was precocious and adorable. My parents strongly normal (father an engineer, a French-Canadian mother frankly uneducated, but with a strong head that would serve him very well soon), then wanted to give me a little sister, with mental balance that will accompany it.
In March 1976, my three brothers, weighing on average more than three pounds each, escaped through the tunnel of my hallowed progenitor. Two identical red fur diabolical. Seraphic blond who attracted all eyes. I withdrew into solitude in my room for the next fifteen years, resigned to my fate of older forgotten.
Thirty-one years later, my father went out into the night of his bedroom on the second floor of the cottage. His faculties, weakened by incipient Alzheimer's, have forgotten that he was not at home where the bathroom is to the immediate right of the room. It fell from the bridge and broke his ribs and vertebrae (injury not serious, it was thought). Three months later, he went at the end of his sufferings, after two attacks of C difficile and kidney failure.
My relationship with my father was difficult and I did not receive a bequest. My brothers, however, had convinced my father to let me have an equal share two-family cottage a few months before his accident. I knew for some time that I was not included in the will, so I was happy for my brothers - two to a poor financial situation and was going to marry soon - and their new wealth.
The day of death, October 17, 2007, we all went to see Alexander, the youngest of carrots, in the Laurentians ten minutes from the cottage, and we drank a bottle of scotch at my favorite father, infected with my taste buds while being terribly expensive, and we made a confession of brotherly love eternal.
was ... the beginning of the end.
Balance personalities
Redheads (Part A):
Alexander: The younger, alpha male, strong head, intuitive and idealistic. If he gets an idea, it will be fixed in his mind forever. He has already thrown the microwave oven of the cottage without notifying his brothers, because "it causes cancer." Fairly nice, but stubborn and loyal to its values.
Christopher: Overwhelmed with insecurities, hyper-charming (it feeds the approval of others), impulsive, irrational, spends his time on a construction site Working to talk with workers, but his magnetism enables him to wander without repercussions.
Both brothers live in Red Design, a village in the Laurentians where are located the cabins.
Blond / Auburn (Part B):
Marc: The only brother who is not at all impulsive. Calm, rational and otherwise normal. It is assumed that a nurse at the nursery was accidentally inserted into the scope.
Eric: The older brother. Perceived as lazy, intellectual, quick-tempered and sadistic, but Cartesian be hardening.
The two brothers blond
live in the Montreal area and have busy lives that prevent them from boarding the North except for some occasional summer weekends.
Conflict - Part 1: father's house
The main cottage was in very poor condition, dilapidated and poorly maintained since abandoned by our father (and four brothers without means, such a project the following resources denominator common. A brother can not invest more than others). On the death of our father, we plan to use part of the inheritance ($ 13,000 each brother heir) to renovate the place.
Last winter, the house of our father, who was equally dilapidated cottage that was to be renovated so that we can sell it and collect the Bidoux, allowing us hounding our northern properties. It was assumed that the renovations would take a month or two and that the sale would take place in spring, allowing a winter yard. A friend in
redheads, a so-called expert, was hired to make repairs. He asked the ceramic was cracked within a few weeks and poorly made other minor tasks. Christopher stated that our employee was in a personal tragedy and that he would finish the job, let us fearlessly. He convinced Mark (the performer will) deliver a large sum of money to advance the work because the carpenter was needed. The check was presented. We had never seen. Marc
it is washed their hands, saying that it was Christopher Alexander and perform the work because they were responsible for the setbacks. Unfortunately, the house in Longueuil and redheads live 90 minutes north. Marc lives nearby and works full time, taking courses to become part-time firefighter and planning a wedding - he has a busy schedule (while the brothers were largely unemployed Nordic). The conflict is seeded.
Redheads moved as they could to advance the project. Resentment against a Marcus "lazy" quickly inflated. The house was still in a pitiful state in May, so Eric and Mark have started offering their services to accomplish the task, but the fault fellowship was already well underway.
Christopher Alexander and say they can not work with Mark, because the renovation of the chalets would be difficult and they did not want "any work" at home. They wanted to divide the two properties - one in the blond and red. This solution unsightly me since we were four brothers and was a great project that would unite us brotherly in memory of our father died. Moreover, I had no financial resources to rebuild a cottage with Marc. Finally, I would not give me a cottage, since that was my only inheritance (and one cottage has always been more than enough).
So I acted as mediator in the conflict, and when I lost my job in late May, I decided to go live in the second cottage (an old jock any gap that has not been inhabited since before my birth), demonstrate that the issue of fair labor can perform and make goodwill.
Conflict - Part 2: The chalets
I arrived in the North in mid-June. I lived in the basement at Alexander for two weeks, involve the installation of screens on windows, emptied of their old windows and plumbing rough to give me a vague sense of comfort in the form of hot running water.
We expect shortly a new friend carpenter to demolish the main building, which broke down after excessive snowfall last winter. It was dangerous to enter, but we had to empty the carcass in preparation for demolition.
Alexander and Christopher were strangely reluctant to cross the lake to join me on the island where our properties entertaining. After their endless litany about auburn idleness, I found myself alone to do the work.
During construction holiday, the carpenter friend came and the end was imminent for our old building. Friends have been recruited and the team worked to undo the heavy rain to the place, piece by piece. I adopted the role of scavenger-arsonist, carrying wood burning pyre unrecoverable (each morning I had to turn it on. Is an art to driving rain). I did my hard work in isolation - is the equivalent on the site of the Indian caste of untouchables - and I had been commended for my persistence (wet pink insulation burned very badly and causes skin irritation. Not funny at all when without access to a bath or shower). In short, I toiled away. I also financed the operation from a narrow line of credit, which insecure guy without a job, therefore no income.
My response was motivated by a desire to please and to silence the evil tongues redheads. Marc could not participate in the demolition, being on his honeymoon, so I had more pressure on the back, inspiring me to do a good job.
Once demolition is completed, I have not seen my brothers. Our carpenter went back in October for the construction, So there were more urgent tasks. I cleaned the site and recycled boards and I'm busy as I could, abject loneliness in rain and cold (I sometimes went down to Montreal to recharge my batteries).
Three weeks later, a Saturday morning at 8 am 00, I returned to the City and the boat was not the parking lot (the boat is an essential means of transportation for residents of the Island). Christopher slept at the cottage, knowing that I would not, and he was frustrated at having to wake up to pick me up.
After a nap, I set to work shoveling of the earth to soften a slope that would allow us to transport materials, thinking that my darling little brother help me. Instead, he decided to confront me, telling me that I do "nothing" and he does not want a cottage with me. I then realized that the redhead prolonged absence from the formation of an axis that would elicit belligerent cottage newly destroyed, using the leverage of the carpenter who is their friend and has plans for the cottage. In short, the cottage would be theirs, or there would not be. Chris was abusive in his speech and tried to intimidate me by threatening me to announce to the world I am not worthy to share his obviously superior genetics (somehow).
I ignored. The worst possible insult to him.
A week later, Alexander the diplomat went and approached me in a much softer, but with the same goal in mind: to convince me to give them the land newly cleared field against the second much less attractive . Our meeting ended in a quarrel with an admission on my part that I will never give, and I never want to cross them. The reservation of the carpenter friend has been canceled. The construction of the cottage is furnished forever.
A neighbor with whom I became friends and went one evening during our conversation she revealed to me that my brothers say unflattering things about me behind my back. It has strengthened my stubbornness. I have only one brother.
Conflict - Part 3: Marc
August 25, when the academic year, I left the cabin to reach the basement of my little bro Urban (who weighs over 120 pounds. Pretty funny appellation).
I had just received confirmation of being hired by a box consultation that would send me to Algeria for a year. It was a career turning quite unexpected and filled me with joy. I had to survive three MBA courses, arrangements for international travel and many social obligations created by my departure.
Marc kept contact with both redheads. He became the mediator and I became lazy irresponsible (a reversal of roles quite silly). The position was consolidated redhead: Eric will kowtow or nothing will happen on the cottage, they prefer to let it rot in the field rather than share with me. Marc, convinced it will never work with our fraternal and small creatures, exasperated, agreed with this arrangement. So I was the only irreducible.
Since I left my country to Algeria, I have no direct benefit to participate in the construction of the cottage. To me, the threat that is empty of any meaning. I was seriously insulted and pressure is applied to me is minimal. My position is clear: I send them to graze and I do not care if our land remains undeveloped. This is not me who suffer.
But Mark just got married. He began the process of seeding his sweetheart. He deeply desires to have a cottage to its offspring. I explain that it is ugly it is between a rock and a hard place, but I will NEVER give in to the DS with scarlet coats.
Conflict analysis
The components are all there: the perception of conflict of interest comes from northern evenings of my paranoid little brothers spent in rural isolation. The interdependence stems from my hand properties - therefore my legal right to veto any unilateral action. Interactions have become abusive, but we are brothers and have a common bond woven in all directions.
Structural analysis of the conflict:
Issue: we believe that the issue would be the construction of our cabins, which have a huge sentimental value for each of the brothers. But it is not the case. The real issue is a tension between the bellicose pride of bucks trying to grasp the primacy of the pack.
Part A:
Predisposition: Christopher is submitted to Alexander. The latter is unable to foresee the world in a way other than its own design. They are stubborn and will not clearly never kowtow. However, if we divide the two properties, they will be able to negotiate in good faith and are generally quite generous.
Pressures: It is difficult to apply pressure on them. Profits generated by their stubbornness far surpasses any pleasure waived by the non-construction. My departure for Algeria, however, may break their will, since they have no target for their bile venomous.
Forecast: The agreement to divide into two cottages is ephemeral. Once they receive their inheritance, they want to buy a property Hire St. Jovite and Christopher, by his usual behavior, may spend a significant part of his fortune on nondurable goods. In short, if we do not sign the agreement now and deposit the required amounts, as provided by the red, they will not have the money to renovate anything next summer.
Behavior: It is anticipated that the red will not bow down, preferring to withdraw from the case on the departure of older brother and tackle other challenges and / or hedonistic pleasures.
Part B:
Predispositions: Mark and Eric are long time allies and have a beautiful partnership. But Marc is not spiteful, while Eric is in the extreme. Eric is proud as well, which creates a whole new dimension to his stubbornness. We can exploit his pride by attacking his reputation with third parties.
Pressures: Eric is untouchable. He leaves for Algeria and the existence or not of a cottage on an island Laurentian does not cause any intimate ride. It refers to the theory of the balance of power, knowing that he was transferred the large end of the fraternal club. Marc however longs a place where he can take his potential babies. It's a crack in the brown block.
Forecast: Marc is not aggressive or otherwise unforgiving and does not jeopardize his relationship with Eric for such a conflict. However, it does not intuitively understand how Eric can close in on itself and deny the very existence of his other brothers. One or the other two will be unhappy with the outcome.
Behavior: Eric shut the door to get in and withdraws redheads in his adopted country unless Mark can convince to put aside his ego.
Settlement
The cycle of anger applies hurt our family. Eric was deeply hurt by his brothers and he can not recover anytime soon. Marc, however, during a trip by car to fetch a barrel of beer (a family activity entirely beloved by both participants), tried to convince his brother that, although it is unfortunate that the two others have acted totally irrational, the paradigm has changed. If we divide the properties, Marc, as a performer Will, can put aside the money required to finance a good part of the building and is willing to invest half of the shortfall. It reminds Eric that his new job will allow him to bridge the wide gap.
Eric heard his brother deeply, but could not conceive of giving due to individuals who wished him ill. It goes against its fundamental him. Arrived home, the brothers have poured two glasses of a new hop nectar and Marc offered one last argument: it is caught in a trap. He wants his children to a cottage. Eric was relentless.
Marc left the basement on an air of frustration that is quite foreign to him. Eric, feeling it was better to discuss it to avoid a broken relationship, had risen to join him on the patio. Marc had tears in her eyes.
Eric thinks. The intellectual context that had been imposed on him by his troubles in his negotiation made him understand that we must sometimes give way. He understands that, although it enjoys a dominant position over his brothers totally redheads, this position is adopted at the expense of his greatest ally.
The agreement will be signed as required by Alexander and Christopher. Upon his return, Eric will have enormous difficulties to cope with these two traitors neighboring civilized manner. It will, however, a cottage with his favorite brother.
... he also laments, knowing that both red, having no more scapegoats to whom spitting their venom paranoid, will very likely turn on themselves. Alex will not tolerate laziness sneaky Chris. Chris will not contribute a fair share of money to invest.
At least that's the ardent desire of the elder brother sadistic pride wounded.
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